its empty.

the click five - empty

i dont know what to feel lately.
it's like im living out of a routine.
there's nothing that i can really feel for.
no more fresh sparks.
im just doing the same thing of what im suppose to everyday.

i get up in the morning wishing its the end of the day and i can go back to my lala-land.
pretty weird that i keep seeing friends family and all the stuff that i was used to but in a weird senario. still. its better than nothing. i feel like im living with content again in dream. such irony.

i keep hoping that i can control time during rollcall. if only i can go home immediately.
its not that i dont enjoy school. but everything to me is such a dread. somehow i doubt myself sometimes. i doubt my decisions. i need my wit back. i need my spontanity back. all i want to do is to fit in and find that heart to heart friend that i can really relate to.

i couldnt bring myself to do anything. i still have heaps of homework to do. i just couldnt be bothered at all. i screwed up physics topic test. my blocked nasal is bothering me so much. my sore back is killing me. my head is so blank that all i can do is stare. i couldnt even bring myself to laugh whole-heartedly. my head's a mess. i need someone to give me a push. all i want to do now is curl up in one corner and cry my heart out till im dry of tears.

shit.

you seriously fucked up my life.
every minute i've been checking my phone for a call or a text.
and i have been doing that for days.
i kept on waiting.
i couldnt even sleep properly because i hope you'll call during midnight like that day and making sure i can feel the vibration if something comes in.
i kept waking up in the middle of my sleep couples to make sure i didnt miss anything.
but i was still nothing.
it really raged the hell out of me when u were having the time of your life when i was waiting desperately for u to call.
i was actually afraid that everyone was moving on and im still left behind gripping tightly on where i am. i dont want that. that isnt me. at all. i need to let go.
u are leaving to soon and i really hope we can talk every minute till that day.
but you shown me that they are more important and u couldnt be bothered at all.
this blow out reminds me what this is all about.
it always had been the same thing that triggers the blowout isnt it. it ALWAYS had been the same. we never have any problems before this.

i guess its a sign.
a sign that things should have their endings.
a sigh that its time for a close chapter and move on.
a sign that its time for letting go.

i got my cue.
im not going to do anything anymore.
im gonna stop.

im gonna be a new me.
by all means.