have you ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world'
Cuz baby I can't sleep

flies

tomorrow's the last day of summer.
how fast.
its getting cold lately.

i miss everything back home.

i miss u all peeps.

i miss.

you.

too.

In the memories of.

my grandmother.

22/02/08

i always thought this particular day will not come.
never did.

suddenly news came crashing on me.
in exactly one month after i left home.
i got a call from aunt bo when she was on her way back to m'sia.
when i was so happily watching bridget jones on tv.

"your grandmother had passed on. we're too late."

imagine my face at that moment.
i called home to confirm. wishing someone to tell me that its not true.
guess not.
i can hear the sobs from behind.
dad tried his best to tell me that its okay.
yea. but my head was thick then that nothing was able to get in.
i had too much to handle on one night.

somehow its for the best.
she had put up a long and hard fight for 4 years due to cancer.
its time for her to have a break.
its time for her to have her rest.
its time for her to leave everything burden and pain behind to enjoy the after life.

its time for me to let go.

suddenly thought hit me that i wouldnt see her in the flesh anymore.
i cant see her. alive.
memories starting to flood in my head.
one by one.

the last one was on the day i left.
on the day itself.

"i wont be seeing you anymore i guess. i dont think i'll live that long"

i never believed one bit of it.
never.

it hurts me so much for her to be right about this.
it never occured me at all.
i always thought that at least one more time. i see her for one last time.
she'll wait till im home again.
i guess she just made a step sooner that i thought.

and my parents said i wouldnt made much a difference even if im back there and i cannot afford to miss school.
it bugs me so much that i'll miss this and miss the funeral.
but then. i agreed.

that night i cried myself to sleep with the brown scarf that she knitted for me.
and my camera in my hand with the last picture we took together.
hoping to feel that u are there with me again.
hoping that i'll see you for the last time in my dreams.
hoping to say the last goodbyes.


life goes on.
the very next day i went to chinese school like every saturday.
trying to get the rhythm of my life back.
trying to get some distractions.
i guess it didnt really work cuz i broke down in class.

after chinese school uncle alan told me to pack up.
they decided to let me go back after all.
there's a bit of joy in me.
i get to go back to what im once familiar with.
i get to see her again.
but on different circumstances.
i get to do my very last bit in her journey of her life.

everything was in such a rush that it doesnt seemed real.
it doesnt feel real even till now.

i went back and paid my last respect.
i went back to what im once familiar with.
but the difference was you are not there to be with me now.
i even hope that u'll open ur eyes and wave and me again.
even u're lying peacefully in your coffin.

that day during prayers u came back.
u came back to see us. as a butterfly.
im glad u did.
as least i know how u are doing right now.
i know that part of u still exist.

the last day of the funeral.
the very last chance for me to see you again.
the very last chance for me to feel your existance.
the very minute that u were in there burning hurts me again.
to know that u are not here anymore
to remind me that theres nothing of you left behind anymore.
even the toughest grandchild that u have all broke into tears.
because we all know that thats the very last that we'll see of you.

i know that i wont forget you.
i hope that u wont forget me too.
i know i'll still love sushi because i know u do too.
because i know the sight of sushi reminds me of u.

my 3 days trip back to msia was an impromtu one.
but its worth every penny.

im now back here making a mark about it.
so soon that i dont believe for myself.
and hoping my memories wont fade as days come by.


and having another closed chapter in my life.

5 minutes to midnight

i need a third hand and extra hours on each day.

there's so much to do.

i have.
bout 100 math sums due friday.
chem hw due friday.
physic exercise due friday.
business report due friday.
to study for math for the test on friday.
prepare for english speak task in less than a week.
business assessment in less than 2 weeks.
finish up my modern history essay in 2 weeks.
to study up physics for test next week.



gee. i need help.
lots of them.

been really busy these days. :)

AH-MUSE-ING

i miss that feeling alot.
so much that it bugs me.


i've been feeling really weird lately that im even freaking myself out.
lol.


i seem to have lost my concentration somehow.
even the silliest things will get me distracted.

when im in class trying very hard to listen and suck in what they are saying
my mind seem to be able to find a way and drift away.

cept for modern history.
which i cannot afford not to listen cuz the teacher always seem to be screaming his head off.
asking questions again and again.
which reminds me of Pn Loo CC.
i wonder how is she doing now.

The problem is ME

havent done much lately.
school's been the same.


sigh. i miss watching tv at home.
its been so so long since i just sit there and and watch the whole day.
yep. i miss oc. E!. beyond the break and ARRGHH i just want my TVEE!!!!
not HAPPEEE.
there's just so much that i want to watch.

did i mention that i havent had a taste of mcD since im here.
its been how long?? a month i guess. woah. even im suprise.

there's always homeworks everyday.
and A LOT of it.



gee. i just miss you ppl a lot.

its amazing how we lost ourselves tonight.

valentines.

sigh.




u get the picture.

CNY much??

i doesnt feel like anything here.
its like everyday come and go.
yeap. i didnt know until yday. or was it the day before?
ohwell.
ppl seemed so happy back in msia.
called back twice.
yes im good.


geeez. im so JEALOUS.

i wanna join in tooo!!!



anyways. HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!

aged old snaps

might as well put up the pics i took back home.dinner at delicious. it was alright.wedges. lovess. too much of a good thingpersonal fav. C-A-L-A-M-A-R-I i would generally pick anything that has crab or crab meat. was so so thrilled when there's something that has crab is on the menu. jakun. the crab was just a small handful i guess. not satisfying. but it taste alright. very appetising. i shall have a feast of crab when im back home soon. who's with me?she stayed for the night. help me pack. which took us the whole night. imagine the stuff. we're foolin around alot too i guess. they came to the airport. sniff. im touchedfamily shot.

had dimsum with me cousin in castle tower. look at my little niece. i gawked when i saw her.

sooooo cute. so dollish. very petite. her head is as big as melinda's head. i guess she's as heavy too. lol.

and a little peak at my school. went a day earlier to settle some stuff.

mom was like "how to take picture like u all young ppl. the one that u take pictures of youselves?" 8)where im living at the moment.


i miss you la friend!

it will be long.

the boys will be back late today from Hamilton Island.
yer. that means i might not blog for another hundred years.
till i get my laptop baby i guess.

sheesh. there's no point ranting bout school everyday i guess.
maybe just hope the best soon.
really do.


work is really piling up.
yep. just day3 and my school diary is filled with due dates and homework and assignments. starting to feel the difficulties in school now. i'll have to work harder i guess. i must ace it like the boys did >.< . lol. they are straight As -ers.

ohwell. wonder how things are going on back home.
hmmmm..



keep keep bleeding in love.

keep bleeding in love

got stuck with this one.
leona's really good.
her voice is all sultry and sexy.
weee~





i dont care what they say. im in love with you.